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Mittwoch, 12. November 2014

Just an average girl, 
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while.

Now she's older, things are getting colder
Life's not what she thought, 
she wished someone had told her.

She told you she was down
And you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside

She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can't you tell, look at her dull eyes

Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright

Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves
'Cause those cuts on her wrist were bleeding through you see

She knew she was depressed, didn't want to admit it
Didn't think she fit in, everyone seemed to miss it

She carried on like a soldier with a battle wound,
Bleeding out from every cut her body consumed

She had no friends at school, all alone she sat
And if someone were to notice she would blame the cat

But those cuts on her wrist they were no mistake,
But no one cared enough to save her from this self hate

Things were going down never really up, 
And here she is now stuck in this stupid rut

She knew exactly what she had to do next,
Just stand on the chair and tie the rope around her neck

She wrote a letter with her hands shaking wild,
"Look at me now are you proud of your precious child?"

But she knew that her parents weren't the ones to blame,
It was the world that should bow down it's head in shame

She stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon,
Just don't think it'll all be over soon

The chair fell down as she took her final breath,
It's all over all gone, now she's greeting death

Her mum walks in, she falls down to the floor,
And now nothing can take back what she just saw

The little girl that she raised is just hanging there,
Her body's pale and her face is violently bare,
She sees the note and unfolds it with care,
All she does is stare, "How can this be fair?"

She starts reading as the tears roll down her face,

"I'm sorry Mum, but this world is just not my place,
I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in,
I've come to realise this world's full of sin,
There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space,
I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race,
It's a disgrace, I was misplaced,
Born in the wrong time and in the wrong place,
It's ok though, 'cause you'll see me soon,
You'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon,
As it shines bright, throughout the night,
And remember everyone's facing their own fights,
But i can't deal with this pain, I'm not a fighter,
You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter
So let the world know that I died in vain,
Because the world around me is the one to blame,
And I know in a year you'll forget I'm gone,
'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on,
That's what they used to tell me, all those kids at school,
So I'm going by the law majority rules,
My presence on this earth is not needed any longer,
And if anything I hope this makes you stronger,
You're the best friend that I ever had,
Such a shame I had to make you so very sad,
Just remember that you meant everything to me,
And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key,
Now it's time to go I'm running out of space to write,
And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight
I'm watching over you from the clouds above,
And sending down the purest and whitest dove,
To watch over you and be my helpful eye,
So this is it world...

Goodbye!"
Eigentlich habe ich ja am Anfang des Jahres geschrieben, dass der Blog jetzt "umdekoriert" wird, in glücklicher, nicht mehr so negativ und depressiv. Für kurze Zeit war er das auch, aber irgendwie wird man den ganzen Mist eh nicht ganz los ... Niemals. Irgendwas ist immer noch und zieht einen dann noch mehr runter, wenn man eh schon Depressionen hat. Depressionen zeigen sich nur nicht immer ... Aber ganz "geheilt" werden sie nie s
ein und man wird wohl für immer damit leben müssen ... 
Ah, interessant. Ich wusste garnicht, dass ich knapp 3000 € besitze (bzw. besaß :D ), desweiteren wusste ich garnicht, dass ich bei der Volksbank bin. Eigentlich dachte ich, dass ich bei der Postbank bin, aber gut. Man lernt ja nie aus, nicht wahr?

Sonntag, 9. November 2014

Zukunftsängste? 
Ich? 
Ach Quatsch ... 
Naja ... 
Nicht wirklich 
irgendwie ... 
Vielleicht ein bisschen ... 
Ein bisschen mehr ... 
Doch ziemlich doll ... 
Och man, doch natürlich, und wie!